A Mother's Plea
In aftermath of son's death, Nancy Davis condemns teen drinking
By Medina Roshan
mroshan@patuxent.com
Posted 1/28/10
Davis' son, Steven Dankos, a 17-year-old senior at River Hill High School, died Nov. 29 when thrown from the flatbed of a truck in which he was riding.
The driver of the truck, 22-year-old David Dixon Erdman II, from Ellicott City, was indicted Jan. 20 on charges of vehicular homicide, manslaughter and driving under the influence of alcohol. Another passenger in the truck -- the driver's younger brother, Thomas Erdman -- was treated and released from the University of Maryland Shock Trauma Center the day of the crash.
In the aftermath of her son's death, Davis, 49, of Clarksville, has seen an outpouring of support from the community, particularly her son's friends.
"These kids have been wonderful; they all wanted to know what they could do for me," Davis said during an interview at her home this week. "My answer would be, quit drinking. There's not one good thing that can come from drinking."
The best tribute her son's peers can pay, Davis said, is to understand the dangers of underage drinking and drinking and driving.
The crash occurred about a day after Dankos and Thomas Erdman had played in and lost in the Class 3A state semifinals with the River Hill football team, on a night when Davis said she believes there were several parties in the area. She would not comment on whether alcohol had been served at any of the parties, or even whether her son attended a party the night he died.
Davis spoke for the first time publicly about her son's death and the issue of teen drinking at a Jan. 19 event at River Hill organized by HC DrugFree, a nonprofit that holds educational programs for teens and parents aimed at preventing drug and alcohol use.
Davis made her impromptu comments near the end of the program, when she stood up and shared that a group of her son's friends gathered the day after he died to memorialize him by having a beer.
"There's something wrong with this picture," Davis said at the event.
In an interview a few days later at her home, she added: "They think that they are honoring Steven, but this is not what Steven would want.
"We were all young once. I understand they think it's not going to happen to them ...(but) how do we get through to these kids?" she said.
Joan Webb Scornaienchi, executive director of HC DrugFree, praised Davis for telling her story, something she said opened up dialogue among other parents and teens at the event.
Getting involved early
Davis' tragedy stems from a problem that is neither new nor simple, experts say, but one that HC DrugFree and other organizations feel compelled to tackle nonetheless.
According to the 2007 Maryland Adolescent Survey, administered periodically by the Maryland State Department of Education and the Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene to track alcohol, tobacco and drug use among teens, 13.5 percent of eighth-graders in Howard County have tried beer or wine. By the time they reach 12th grade, the number jumps to 62 percent.
Mike Gimbel, who heads Mike Gimbel Associates, a substance abuse education consulting organization, said efforts must begin earlier to sway children from drinking.
"If we're really going to make a difference and change the norm -- because it is the norm -- we have to get involved in the elementary and middle schools," said Gimbel, former director of the Bureau of Substance Abuse for Baltimore County.
Additionally, Gimbel said parents who choose to supervise underage drinking are sending the wrong message.
"These parents ... are giving the worst message of all: It's OK to break the law, as long as we're watching," he said. "It is wrong."
During the interview at her home, Davis spoke of her frustration at many young people's belief that they are invincible and their failure to realize the consequences of their actions. She also spoke of her bewilderment at parents who knowingly allow their children and their friends to drink at their homes, which she calls unacceptable.
"My son respected me, and he would have never walked through (the) house in front of me with a 30-pack of beer," she said. "He would have never asked me if his friends could have come into this house and drink."
Wayne Kirwan, a spokesman for the Howard County state's attorney, said what happened the night Dankos died likely would be revealed during the trial of Erdman, who is scheduled to appear in Circuit Court for arraignment Feb. 26.
Heartbreak and denial
Davis, who said she and her son were very close, was active with the River Hill football team as the "team mom."
She said she believes one of the keys to preventing the type of tragedy she has suffered is to have young people more involved in extracurricular activities that do not allow for time to drink or party.
"It teaches them so much responsibility," Davis said of being involved in a team sport.
Gimbel said he has worked with athletes at River Hill for the past three years and believes the school has done a good job educating and training students about alcohol abuse. The problem, he stressed again, is that high school is too late to start educating students about the dangers of underage drinking.
Gimbel also agreed with Davis that more alternatives to drinking, such as teen centers and recreation programs, need to be available. He believes there needs to be a more unified effort between the county health department, elected officials, school system and other groups to tackle the issue of teen drinking.
For now, Davis cherishes memories of her son and their close bond.
Before he left the evening he died, during their last conversation, Dankos and his mother were outside their home talking about girls he was interested in.
"The last text he sent me ...10 minutes before he passed ... was that he'd met a new girl," Davis said.
Davis said she will eventually do something positive in her son's memory, but is not sure exactly what, adding that a scholarship fund in his name has been established at River Hill.
Davis said she is concentrating on keeping herself occupied, particularly with her two other children, Lauren, 14, and Zachary, 9.
Emotionally, she labels herself as being in denial.
"That is how you survive," she said. She plans on redoing her son's room and sometimes thinks he will come home and be upset with her for messing up his room.
user comments (31)
user speakthereal says...
tough...dont know how you rebound from that. sup with his friends pouring alcohol out for him? a little ironic. If we legalized herb, there wouldn't be this many late at night vehicular homicide's. sad story, God bless.
Posted 9:36 AM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user citizentaxpayerjane says...
That photo says it all. I thank God every time one of our teens makes it into adulthood. My heart goes out to this parent.
Posted 10:02 AM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user milton says...
I love how subjectively laws get applied in Howard County. After the Halloween shooting, we had our County Executive talking tough about how he was going to charge the homeowner for serving alcohol to minors, not having a rental license and other nonsense charges. He was all over that case until the police department screwed up the investigation and can’t even get a murder charge- then we didn’t hear a peep from our CE because that might upset the police union which got him elected. With this drunk driving case, it’s top secret as to where these people were drinking prior to the accident.
Posted 12:21 PM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user mdcommish says...
Let me start by saying I'm deeply saddened any time life is lost...often in law enforcement, I'm asked what the hardest part of my job is; quite simply it's banging on someone's door at 3:30 in the morning to tell them their son or daughter is never comming home again. With that said, I can take people off the road, cite 1,000's of people, but one thing I can't do is teach common sense. Part of the problem is accountability, but more importantly educating kids, and not constantly calling them every 10 mins wondering where they are, and putting them in a tight spot; getting behind the wheel with a potentially drunk driver to make curfew, or dealing with the ramifications of missing that curfew. That is the other half of the equation people often don't hear in cases like this. The "text' would ellude to that. Any time at night between 11-4, a good 50% of people are over the limit legally, and selective enforcement can only take so many off the roads. Part of the problem is MD laws, and a judiciary that actually believes criminals are the "victim". The man responsible for this act will probabally receive nothing more than Probation Before Judgement, and Mr. Dankos will be nothing more than a statistic, that constantly reminds of the dangers alcohol poses. Kids are going to drink, and soon the legal limit for alcohol will be 18 or less, the important thing is teaching kids how to deal with these situations, so that they are prepared to make a taough decision when Mommy and Daddy aren't around. To talk about the shooting prosecution that's become a complete failure, let me start by paying homage to the past. http://www.odmp.org/officer/39-corporal-theodore-dennis-wolf-sr As we approach the 20th anniversary of this henus act, to this day I cannot believe a Howard County Jury would not issue a sentence of death to someone who perpetrated such a henus act. For too long prosecutors have failed the taxpayers and citizens of this state. It's time to strengthen laws, for cases like this, and also so killers like Erdman never touch a steering wheel again.
Posted 1:00 PM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user speakthereal says...
so "killers" like Erdman never touch the wheel again? didnt you just say he'll probably*(I see why you chose to be law enforcement) recieve Probabtion Before Judgement? and how is it top secret where they were prior? at a party, drinking. what do you expect? for the homeowners to get blasted in these articles? The more parents try to keep alcohol away from their childrens, the more they experience with it. real talk.
Posted 1:36 PM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user tyson0417 says...
Very good article! As for the comments on what's right and what is wrong... everyone has a opinion and more than likely not many will agree with it however, legalizing herb so that these "late night vehicular homicides" won't happen isn't the answer... the fact still remains that you are driving under the influence, whether it be alcohol or drugs ((legal and illegal)), which alters your brains function of reaction and decision making... even driving without sleep is just as dangerous, if not more, than being under the influence of anything... how about we all just make the decision to not drive under the influence of anything and this would reduce the vehicular homicide rates?? Is it so hard to stay where you are?? Life is too short to be replacing natural highs with chemical ones...
Posted 1:56 PM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user chibygo says...
great article though good in adding on my essay writing service site.
Posted 2:14 PM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user speakthereal says...
compare the % of accidents relating to drinking and driving in howard county to "herb" accidents. you cant even compare it because it's not even close. It's not a coincidence that Erdman was fooling around with the steering, he was drunk. It may not be realistic, but it is certainly a way to avoid these accidents...if this kid was high as hell instead of drunk...you think he flips the car?...this country has its priorties wrong.
Posted 2:25 PM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user tyson0417 says...
First of all... how much do you know about the accident? I am not focusing just on Howard County... if we did that, where would the rest of the nation or world be?? 28% of vehicular deaths in the US were from drinking and driving however, out of that 28%, 75% were ALSO under the influence of drugs i.e. HERB.... look at the percentages all you want however, the fact still remains where the percentages may be significantly lower... there is still a percentage which shows people still lose their lives due to decision and reaction altering substances....High, drunk, tired, whatever the case is in any situation... the fact is he shouldn't have been behind the wheel period and who is to say the truck wouldn't have flipped if he was "just hight" it isn't right to go into the "what-if" category because all it does is push around the blame and the guilt, the fact still remains, someone lost their life...
Posted 2:49 PM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user speakthereal says...
first of all, i know more than you about the accident. the fact is too many kids drink and drive, that is the issue..correct? I mean this story wouldn't exist if that wasn't the issue...I'm talking about howard county tho tyson, drinking and driving here is out of control. a lot of hicks driving their pick-up trucks late at night doing a bunch of unsafe shit, wasted...I've seen it first hand. alcohol is so accessible it's not even funny...I'm just saying...IF kids decided to smoke at night instead of drink...we'd be looking at a safer community. and I'm not pushing around any blame, ?? the only "what-if" I mentioned was what if alcohol wasn't such a big factor in peoples lives..
Posted 3:11 PM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user tyson0417 says...
Do me a favor and do not come at me thinking you know more than I do about this whole situation... Steven is my family...yes the issue is drinking and driving, but don't come at someone like you know them. I was stating the facts and the "percentages" to make a point to YOU that whether it be alcohol, "herb", or whatever... someone still lost their life. So go and smoke your herb... but next time realize who you could be talking to or what effect your opinion might take on someone else.
Posted 3:27 PM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user mdcommish says...
I will admit the war on drugs is a loosing proposition...but zero tolerance for anyone caught driving under the influence is the only way I see full legalization to survive
Posted 5:56 PM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user gert says...
I am very sorry this young man was killed and several families will never be the same. But, anyone who goes to River Hill knows that the football team has beer parties at various team members houses after games. Players who didn't attend were scoffed at. Seems to me, it was only a matter of time before something happened. If the non-football players, like my son, knew of the parties, why didn't the police officer stationed at the school know about it and do something about it?????
Posted 9:51 PM, 01.28.10 | Permalink
user independent says...
A Howard mother recently told my son that her rule is all teen drivers spend the night when at her house visiting with friends. I was confused, both genders were visiting so I called her but she spoke as if in the middle of the conversation and I had yet to be brought up to speed. I didn't ascertain the basis for her rule. I guess parents are now insisting that teens stay over night instead of risking drinking and driving. Maybe that is a better idea than partying and sending them out in the night. For adults, we should have small neighborhood pubs that have no parking lot. I've never understood the legality of driving to a bar. MD Commish, interesting post. Very informative.
Posted 7:11 AM, 01.29.10 | Permalink
user belovedcartoonmouse says...
The issue is not young people drinking, the issue is ANYONE drinking and driving.
Posted 7:38 AM, 01.29.10 | Permalink
user terry says...
I agree that the issue is drinking and driving and the parents who allow underage drinking in their house. I see pictures splashed all over Facebook of kids that I know are well under 21 with a beer in their hand. I am a firm believer that you cannot stop kids from drinking if they are determined to do so but what you can do is start in elementary school and make sure they understand that even taking one sip of alcohol and getting behind the wheel(or getting in a car with someone who has) is unacceptable no matter if they are 14 or 90.
Posted 2:35 PM, 01.29.10 | Permalink
user terry says...
and I am by no means condoning underage drinking by my statement about kids drinking if they really want to do so.
Posted 2:37 PM, 01.29.10 | Permalink
user lisbonite says...
I still do not understand why this article is attempting to draw attention to underage drinking. The driver was of legal age to consume alcohol. All the talk about the RH football players drinking, or whether parents are responsible hosts make no difference to the simple fact that the driver was an adult of legal drinking age. Additionally, the plea to have students gets involved as a means of keeping them out of trouble is also misguided. Football clearly didn't teach these kids responsibility off the field.
Posted 2:49 PM, 01.30.10 | Permalink
user commonsenseplease says...
If the parents hadn't let the underage kids get drunk, maybe they would have had better judgment than to get into the truck with the drunk driver - espcially in the bed of a pickup.
Posted 3:55 PM, 01.30.10 | Permalink
user says...
I support Nancy Davis in her effort to make a difference. Our goal should be to reduce the risk of drunk driving. Here is another perspective for what it is worth. In my youth I had a close buddy killed as a passenger of another buddy who was drunk, age 18. I myself almost drove drunk while in college, had it not been for a few friends who dragged me out of my VW and drove me home. I have thought about that night, and have chalked it up to factors beyond my control. Thank goodness I did not drive that night, but my attempt stems from a few reasons I think: 1. My parents did not drink so I never really had the conversation about what might happen if I found myself drink without a way home. 2. There was significant pressure from peers to attend the party (this was a legal party and I was of legal age). 3. I WAS drunk and not thinking entirely straight. 4. No one tried to limit my intake (such as a bar tender, or even myself). After that night I never even tried to drive while drunk because I actually thought about the issues and never put myself in that position again. But that was AFTER the incident. Back then I had many other things to think about (I thought). I know how sorry I would have been had I drove that night and hurt or killed someone - but it could have happened because I was completely unprepared to deal with the circumstances I found myself in. Unfortunately it only takes ONE mistake as a young person to kill others. Yes there are a few habitual drinkers who cannot learn and these should be put UNDER the jailhouse. But youth drinking and driving is one of those problems that go to the heart of our society. How many of us laughed during the movie "Hangover"? Just the concept of getting so drunk that you could not remember what happened is funny to many people - except those who have lost a loved one or who grew up with alcholoic parents (like my wife) - they are the ones who have actually THOUGHT about consequences. A few of us are lucky enough to be able to think AHEAD of time about what might happen - but kids JUST DO NOT THINK THAT WAY. No amount of parenting is going to make a difference until society changes to deal with the issue. Irresponsible drinking is the heart of the matter. Kids are taught through movies and other media that it is funny to get drunk. When my 18-year old friend was killed, the father of twins took his two boys to see the accident - do show them the consequences. I do not know if that worked or if it was right, but the spirit of the message was correct - teach your kids about responsibility - that is a message they can respect because it is putting them into the role of an adult - which they are trying to become. Telling them to not drink will not work and never will - it will only put walls up between you and your kids - when they actually do drink without your permission you will be out of the loop. I am not saying that my kids are turning out perfect, but 1. I am in TOUCH with them and 2. I have had the conversation about IRRESPONSIBLE drinking and consequences. I have a glass of wine with my evening meal because it helps my digestion and I like the taste. I never get drunk. My kids see me drink and I often remind them that IF they find themselves in a situation that they should STAY PUT for the night or CALL ME NO QUESTIONS ASKED - and by the way underage drinking is illegal and you should not do it. This is the same message we give about underage sex - but at least we provide comdoms and sex education. We do not have the equivilent "DRINKING" education. We should have honest classes about responsible drinking in schools similar to sex education. If they are ready for sex education, the are certainly ready for this kind of education. Kids need to have the chance to THINK AHEAD in a controlled environment before they get into a bad situation they are unprepared for.
Posted 10:49 AM, 01.31.10 | Permalink
user independent says...
The brain's frontal lobe where planning and awareness of consequences originates is not fully functional in adolescents. They are incapable of this skill until reaching adulthood.
Posted 12:44 PM, 01.31.10 | Permalink
user independent says...
Rather I should say teens are not fully capable of using the planning skill until adulthood. Teens can learn consequences but on a more limited basis.
Posted 12:45 PM, 01.31.10 | Permalink
user belovedcartoonmouse says...
I will continue posting this: The issue is drinking and driving. It is not kids drinking. I like how we focus on the "law" against kids drinking and not the lack of reasons behind it. We let 18 year olds entering into binding contracts and serve in the Armed Forces but not drink alcohol. We have a driver here who is of the legal age. We have a kid who dies due to an accident involving the drunk legal age driver when the kid was riding in the back of a pickup truck. But we're focusing on kids drinking alcohol in general? Meanwhile, recreational activities for kids get closed (Wilde Times Cafe) or are in doubt (Centennial Skate Park.) This circle will continue until this country gets over its puritanical views on alcohol and it's citizens stop discriminating against kids.
Posted 6:46 PM, 01.31.10 | Permalink
user says...
Reading the comments on this forum...it's apparent most people just "don't get it". The issue isn't about the underage drinking, or people driving under the influence, or while impaired. The issue is will your kid know what to do if confronted with the same situation Mr. Dankos found himself in. Was he prepared to walk home, call a cab, or even phone his parents to get back safely. Once again, it was his parents who put him in this tight spot texting him ervery 10 minutes. I do know the specifics to the case, and won't disclose them on this board, as that is not my motive to assign blame other than to highlight the lack of due dilligence Mr. Dankos exercized on that tragic night. He himself is the one one who decided to hop in the bed of a truck, with someone he should have known was drunk (3X the legal limit). At the end of the day common sense can't be taught. Part of the problem can be to curb the perception of a dui. 1st and often 2nd time offenders routinely receive PBJ's, and even more disturbing, are elgible for expungement after 10 yrs. without a prior conviction. The laws need to change. I often find it better to make someone knock on their parents door at 3am with the police bringing them back, then I do to issue a DUI. A program that has worked, is one where students are shown video of fatal accidents...It's very graphic, and the images tend to "stick" with people over a period of time. Parents can use this incident to teach their kids. Bring up the incident, and ask your son or daughter, "Would you be able to say no to someone who told you to get into their car after they had been drinking?" "Oh come on, I only had one. I'm fine!" Even if that meant possible isolation, or being looked down upon by peers. If my comments have offended anyone, thats good. Put a chip on your shoulder, and make sure its your door I'm never comming to knock on at 3am.
Posted 8:15 PM, 01.31.10 | Permalink
user citizentaxpayerjane says...
As usual it's the commenter who thinks they know everything that cannot learn. I sincerely hope that mother does not read your message, user. The parents put him in this tight spot?!!!! That's LUDICROUS. Every single teen does something risky. Every single one. Most times they walk away healthy, but sometimes circumstances and chance converge into tragedy. What are you thinking? That teens don't have unprotected sex (and not get HIV) , or try drugs (and don't become lifelong addicts) or drink while driving (and escape tragedy)? Of course they do those things and more. Parents can only do so much. If you are so freaking superior then you're out of touch with the truth. Maybe your kids ARE angels 80% of the time, but I guarantee you this, they're doing things on at least rare occasion that you have forbid them to do. The capacity for Howard County superior parents to ignore what's under their noses is mystifying.
Posted 6:50 AM, 02.01.10 | Permalink
user citizentaxpayerjane says...
Btw, I could fill a book with events and behavior that some of the most superior parents don't know about their own kids.
Posted 6:53 AM, 02.01.10 | Permalink
user citizentaxpayerjane says...
You think parents are NOT using this as an example to talk about it with our teens User? OF course we are! We take the time when ever possible to let them know how to handle any situation. If you know so much, I'd think you'd at least know that this can happen to anyone and it breaks my heart to think of the look on that mother's face. She would have done anything but it wasn't up to her.
Posted 6:59 AM, 02.01.10 | Permalink
user commonsenseplease says...
CTJ is right on here. Parents can do the very best they can and kids are still going to take chances and push the line. When you see one straight kid and one risk taker come from the same family, was it because the parents did something different with each kid? Doubtful. The thing that does make this one different for me is that adults who were not this kid's parents served him alcohol. This served to undo what his own parents might be teaching, encouraged the poor decision-making and put a big stamp of approval on underage drinking. All with someone else's kid.
Posted 7:52 AM, 02.01.10 | Permalink
user valjalo1 says...
This is a sad story - made worse by the behavior of the teenagers and "friends" in the aftermath. The trial is going to be very hard because no one really wants the other kid punished in the community. Of course, they will say in public the right thing but privately just want the whole thing to go away. Entitlement because of affluence rules the day. However, no one has found a way to extend entitlement to cheating death. Rich poor, educated or uneducated - we are all equal in that regard - we can't cheat death and consequences for risky behavior are distributed equally. I feel sorry for the mom - but she knew her son was a drinker - EVERYONE knew. As parent we can put our blinders on and believe what we want to believe and see what we want to see. She is a wonderful woman who like ALL of us thought it won't happen to me. And of course she would think that - we ALL do.
Posted 6:31 AM, 02.03.10 | Permalink
user realist says...
So Sad...even more upsetting is that this has happened so many times before in Howard County. And although the outrage, pain, and frustration is real, the true crime is how quickly most people will forget about this incident and how many teenagers to come will suffer the same fate.
Posted 6:58 AM, 02.09.10 | Permalink
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