She passes her business  cards out to strangers on the street, in restaurants and beauty salons. When she makes presentations, she often does so with large black trash bags filled with potatoes and stuffed animals slung over her shoulders  and tries to put her foot in shoes that don’t fit.

Laurel resident Valerie Nicholas, who is a domestic violence survivor turned advocate, is on a crusade to spread a message that there is help, and hope, for victims of domestic abuse.

“The potatoes represent the dead weight we carry around with us that we can’t do anything with but throw overboard,” Nicholas said, “and the bag with the stuffed animals represents the people from our unresolved relationships, who have broken promises to us and caused us pain.”
As for the shoes, they represent relationships that people try to make work, even though they know they’re with a person who’s not right for them. “They don’t fit,” Nicholas said.

Earlier this year, Nicholas began mentoring domestic violence victims and educating people on the signs of domestic abuse and available resources through an organization she founded, Love Is Not Enough.

During Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October, Nicholas shared her story of being physically and sexually abused as a small child and throughout most of her adult years, and how she overcame the abuse. On Oct. 21, she spoke before a full house at a domestic violence program at Laurel Regional Hospital. Shervon Yancey, the hospital’s spokesperson, said, “The audience was engaged and very interested in both her remarkable story of overcoming years of abuse and the resource materials and information she provided ... (and) they related to scenarios and experiences she spoke about.”

 A week after she spoke at the hospital, Nicholas made a presentation before students at the University of Maryland, and prior to that, she spoke to a group in Bladensburg, Seniors Against Stalking and Domestic Violence.

“A lot of our seniors have unresolved abuse issues, so I wanted them to hear her story and know that they can get past their abuse,” said Barbara Givens, founder of the seniors group. “They responded well to her and I hope to use her in other workshops in the future.”

Nicholas said many of the seniors who attended the program had “wrenching stories of past abuse. They are a large segment (of domestic violence victims) but a lot of the time, you don’t hear of them because seniors don’t talk about it a lot.”

In addition to sharing her story, Nicholas listens as others tell her their stories, and provides information on social services and other help agencies, as well as telling her audience that it’s important to know the signs of domestic abuse.

“Several of the young women I talked to at the University of Maryland said they didn’t realize what the signs of domestic abuse are, like isolation, jealousy, having your cell phone blown up with 50 calls a day,” she said. “Some were aware, but some others were in awe that these kinds of things are abuse.”

Domestic violence is on the rise locally. Laurel police officials said they have seen a 5 percent increase in such cases. Last year, 75 women, men and children lost their lives as a result of domestic violence, according to state statistics, with Prince George’s County having the second highest number of cases of abuse reported in Maryland.

There are many agencies locally and statewide set up to help victims, and through her organization, public speeches and community outreach, Nicholas hopes to act as another source available to victims.

Nicholas has applied for grants to help support Love Is Not Enough and recently received a $1,000 grant from Prince George’s County Council chair Marilynn Bland, of District 9, and will hold an all-day program on domestic violence in District 9, open to the public.

Nicholas described Love Is Not Enough as a place where victims can come for information or just to talk about their situation with her, someone who has been down the road of abuse and understands their plight firsthand.

For Nicholas, the journey from being beaten almost to death to having two miscarriages and going into a deep depression was years in the making; it also took years before she learned to lean on her church members for support and sought much-needed counseling.

That’s the story she tells audiences, using the props of the heavy bags and shoes that don’t fit for emphasis.

“I don’t sugarcoat the things I’ve gone through,” Nicholas said. “I’m a straight shooter about it because I want to empower victims to recognize the signs of abuse, and when they look at me, I want them to see that I made it through. It wasn’t easy, but I made it.”

---

user comments (1)

user suzee2253 says...

We need more women like Valerie Nicholas, and individual who refuses to let her past as a victim of domestic violence keep her down. We all need to be proactive in preventing domestic violence and not just talk about it. Always report a situation that looks suspicious where one person is abusive toward another individual. You may save someone from becoming a victim. If you know anybody who is in an abusive relationship, help this person obtain the resources to find protective shelter before it is too late. Write your congressman to request tougher laws to prosecute abusers and begin educating your own family members about healthy relationships and respect. To find resources for immediate assistance, visit www.stingergirlz.com and click on the Victims of Violence Resources.

Posted 10:46 PM, 11.04.09 | Permalink